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Why Good People Do Bad Things exposes the pervasive and often hidden impulses that influence our everyday decisions. The headlines are full of stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news and are splashed across the weekly tabloids.
In many ways, these sad stories have become a national obsession. Yet countless other acts of self-destruction and sabotage take place in our families, in our communities, in our circle of friends. Despite good intentions, “good people” do very bad things—often without understanding why.
New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford guides us into the heart of the duality that unknowingly operates within each one of us: the force that compels us to live by our values, give and receive love, and be a contributing member of the community; and the force that holds us back, sabotages our efforts, and repeatedly steers us toward bad choices.
Ford begins with an examination of what she calls the Beach-Ball Effect—the way in which suppressed emotions eventually rise to the surface—revealing the origins of self-destructive behavior. By describing the never-ending battle between our light and dark sides and then identifying the signposts for potential disaster, Ford helps us understand how we end up damaging the lives we've worked so hard to create. She then breaks new ground by helping us recognize the masks we wear to protect ourselves, including the People Pleaser, the Victim, the Bully, Mister Cool, and the Jokester. Understanding these masks and what they cover up allows us to go beneath the surface, wake up from denial, and become the person we always intended to be.
With Why Good People Do Bad Things Ford has created her most enduring, expansive, and powerful work to date. Providing the tools to unlock the patterns of self-sabotage, Ford ultimately knocks down the façade of the false self and shows us how to heal the split between light and dark and live the authentic life within our reach.
- Sales Rank: #2675796 in Books
- Published on: 2008-03-11
- Released on: 2008-03-11
- Formats: Audiobook, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 7
- Dimensions: 1.08" h x 6.74" w x 6.21" l, .30 pounds
- Binding: Audio CD
Review
"...a sage discussion of the dualistic nature of the human mind..." -- Richard Moss, MD, author of The Mandala of Being
"An exceptionally helpful book." -- Paul Babiak, Ph.D., coauthor of Snakes In Suits: When Psychopaths Go To Work
"Anyone who reads this book will find the means to become whole once again." -- Deepak Chopra, author, Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore
"Debbie Ford has an amazing way of casting light onto our personal darkness. She’s done it before, and now she’s done it again. She’s a great explorer of our depths." -- Marianne Williamson, author of The Gift of Change
"Debbie Ford has hit a spiritual bullseye in this extraordinary roadmap to self-understanding, compassion, and what we all want most -- happiness. I was touched, inspired, and enlightened by Debbie’s masterful blend of wisdom and heart. This landmark book will help many people." -- Alan Cohen, author of Why Your Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It
"This masterpiece of unflinching clarity is Debbie Ford’s most important and brilliant book." -- Andrew Harvey, author of Son of Man
About the Author
Debbie Ford is the national bestselling author of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, The Secret of the Shadow, Spiritual Divorce, The Right Questions, and The Best Year of Your Life. She conducts workshops across the country. She lives in La Jolla, California, with her son.
For information on the transformational work of Debbie Ford and her certified Spiritual Divorce coaches, please visit www.debbieford.com. To learn about her emotional education programs—workshops, tele-classes, and the Spiritual Divorce professional coaching certificate program—visit www.jfku.edu/fordinstitute.
From AudioFile
The idea that good and bad aspects of self have equal worth is a difficult concept to accept. Not so after Ford explains her point of view, using poignant images, a Cherokee story, examples for the worlds of celebrity and politics, and anecdotes from her own life and the lives of others. She goes on to describe shame and self-sabotage and explains how to change the "masks" we've all adopted to survive. Ford reads her own words with the confidence of a teacher who knows the depth of her material. Her voice expresses the neutrality and understanding of a counselor used to awkward subjects. She offers the compassion of friend who can comfort a wounded soul and suggests specific ways to transform internal negatives into hope. S.W. © AudioFile 2008, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Fabulous book for self introspection
By Robin Landry
This was not the easiest book to read, not because it was confusing, but because you have to confront some of your demons when reading it. And I did. As I read through the book, chapter by chapter, I applied the points that pertained to my life, and while some of it was easy, some of Ford's points surprised me.
This is a wonderful book for self-exploration. As you grasp the ideas Ford is putting forth, the ideas grasp you, but it's totally worth it because the more responsibility you take for your life, the more you can change your life into what you want instead of just being buffeted by the winds of fate.
So here's the gist of this remarkable book: we are all born whole, just look at babies. They never care what any thinks, they cry when they want, and laugh and just basically let emotions roll right through them. As they grow, they are taught that certain emotions are not okay so they push that part of themselves aside until they allow their wounded ego to take over and run their life because their authentic self has not been allowed.
We are dual creatures, part divine, part beast. The beast side of us goes by the law of the jungle, eat or be eaten. The divine side tells us that we're all one and what we do to others is what we do to ourselves.
Now saying that we should get rid of the beast side is crazy because we need a healthy ego or we'd never strive for anything, or even get dressed in the morning. What Ford is teaching is to acknowledge the beast side and use it. Yes we can all be tempted by the 7 deadly sins, but we can also control them.
We can take pride in our appearance and not wear our pajamas in public.
We can be greedy which can be controlled into working hard for what we want.
We can be lazy, because sometimes it's appropriate to give ourselves a break from the stress of our lives and take a day to just be.
We can be gluttonous and control it by being a fabulous cook.
Read this book and get control over your vices and learn to enjoy being human is the message that I believe Ford is trying give us.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Everybody needs to read this book.
By Amazon Customer
It should be mandatory for all humans to read this. This book opened my eyes to a side of me that was out of control. I literally stopped reading and called my wife and apologized for things I didn't even realize I had been doing.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Dark, Confrontational and Inspirational!
By L. Jacobs
When people use the phrase, "Knowledge is power" this is exactly the kind of knowledge that makes that statement true! There are segments of this book that are extremely dark and shame-inducing--they almost invoke hopelessness, but that is the point!
In Why Good People Do Bad Things, Debbie Ford offers dozens of examples of shame-based actions and personalities, and when you recognize yourself in those scenarios, it can make you feel pretty low. And that is the genius of the book! You have to be honest with your shame and disappointment, because you cannot fix what you deny.
After you wallow in all that is wrong with you for a few chapters, Ford explains that those same things are wrong with all of us! When you indulge in too much ego, it separates you from your soul's intent. Ford then goes on to list common behaviors that take you over the edge, and the common masks we wear when we lose ourselves.
You can call this book dark, but don't be tricked by the emotions it sparks. This is valuable information! If you know exactly what mask you wear, and exactly what behaviors you are likely to engage in when you're off-balance, then you have the power to identify them early on--before you become your own worst enemy!
Furthermore, this was not only helpful to my own behaviors, it was also helpful in my dealing with any and all difficult personalites that I encounter. By understanding the mask that others are wearing, and knowing what it is the person in front of me is truly longing for, I am now fortunate to detach from harmful or unhealthy relationships and recognize the difficult personality for the wounded ego it is. That is powerful and exciting! Good luck on your journey.
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